Episode 148 Just a Little Stressed
Listen as Ramble talks about the fun and thrills I have been going through lately - my folks celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and we had a great party for them and tell you how it went. I tell you about how Joe helped me once again for the event and so he continues to show his support. I sang a song just for my folks and everyone enjoyed it and clapped for me and so I was glad it went well. I talk about how some valuable friends helped me in so many ways to make this event a success.
Episode 148 <---click here to listen on your computer!
posted by RambleRedhead at 1:14 AM
10 Comments:
Tom - So glad that the party ended up going well for your folks. However, the end of your podcast was really a downer. I very well understand why your feelings were hurt as well as Joe's and your niece's.
No matter what your mom says, on some level she has not accepted the fact that you are gay. It's obvious she is embarrassed by it.
I suppose you did the right thing in not pushing the issue since it was their 50th anniversary but, your last points is correct, she is not giving the other relatives a chance to be open and support you. If someone doesn't support you, then you'll know how to deal with it at the time.
I'm sorry this cast a shadow over the events. I don't think you are being too sensitive at all. You're kind of caught - you love your mother and want to be with her, but her attitude certainly would cause me to pull away.
The BF and I re-watched "The Family Stone" last night and it's too much to hope that all mothers would be Diane Keaton who fiercely tells her gay son, that "he is the most normal one at the table". That's what we would all want.
Love to you and Joe.
Oh my god that story made me cry, I’m sitting here at work tearing up!! I didn’t hear that on the news or anything...That is just awful, there are not words. I really don’t know what else to say..but...people are sick..just sick...
There are still 12 minutes left on the podcast, so hopefully the story keeps going like I think it's going to go, but I had to come over now and comment for fear that the anger that I'm feeling right now would subside before I got a change to comment. I want to be angry when I write this.
Ramble, I completely sympathize with the fact that this is your aging mother and it's her 50th wedding anniversary. If I were put in the same situation I might act much like you... but for me right now; listening to that story, I think you handled it totally wrong!
Ramble I've known you for quite awhile know so I hope that you can take this in a spirit of friendship. This is your fault.
You are right that she didn't give people the chance to be tolerant but that is not even the issue. You don't have to hope and pray and consider it a good evening if people "tolerate" your relationship with Joe! Damnit man, you are an adult and you have EVERY RIGHT to sleep with who ever the crap you want to as long as that person is an adult and it's consensual.
It irks me to no end to see people that share my sexual orientation act like there is something wrong with them and the best that they can hope for is tolerance out of the main stream.
You gave your mom, in this and probably many other conversations, the power to make you feel inferior to heterosexuals. You gave and do give heteros power over you by clamoring for their tolerance and what ever scrap of respect that they afford you.
Stand up, be a man and F*CK people that don't respect you as an adult with a right to be in a relationship with an adult of the same gender!
The GLBT "struggle", if that's what you want to call it, will never be successful if members of the GLBT community don't stop acting like they agree with the heteros that there is something wrong or un-natural about them!!!!!!!!!
F*CK! Going to the dentist isn't phucking natural, taking medicines that are made at factories isn't natural, driving cars is NOT NATURAL.
Get over this pathetic sense of victimization that so many GLBT people seem to be carrying around and stand up as a HUMAN BEING that has all the rights that any other human being has.
Okay.... whew.... I so wasn't only talking to you with that rant Ramble... so don't hate me. That rant is for every GLBTQ person that feels like they can't be whole w/out the approval of heteros.
Your cousin has every right to be upset, you do too and you should have told your mother that you and Joe will be acting like any other adult couple at the party that night, as far as affection goes, and if she wasn't okay with that then perhaps the problem lies with her and not you.
I am so going to regret going off on you but it needed to be said.
Mike Hipp
podcastsoup.net
Tom...thanks for the update on your life. I was wondering when you would podcast again.
I, like many others, are a bit angry at your mother. She was fearful of being embarrassed then she was of supporting her son. That's very sad. I feel for you. It's sad there are still people like this... I mean, I know she's your mother and all, but it's time to come into the 21st century and realize what reality really is. Anyway, I hope you do have another talk with her and tell her how you are feeling. She needs to realize how she's hurt you and why. I'll cross my fingers for you!
Hang in there....you have people in the world who do care about you and think about you.
Tom,
I am also not thrilled with your Mom. I know she only wants the best for you, but showing affection is something that is accepted from straights. And, what is acceptable for them, should be acceptable for us. Your cousin should have danced with her partner, and f*ck what others thought.
Hugs
Re Mike Hipp's comments:
I appreciate what Mike has to say (but not necessarily the way he said it), but I also feel this anniversary celebration was not the moment for Tom to draw a line in the sand.
Tom, my first reaction to the story of your mother's embarrassment was totally selfish: I was so glad I no longer live in a place where those attitudes are supported.
You were in a no-win situation. If you had taken a stand, you (or your cousin) may have become the focus of the day, and it sounded like you didn't want that any more than your mother did. So I agree with John that this wasn't the moment.
However, I also agree with Mike and Archerr and Casey. It was just plain wrong for your mother to put you and your cousin into that position in the first place. And I agree that your mother obviously didn't give the relatives enough credit (in my experience, extended families are usually far more accepting that we'd imagine).
As you know, I grew up in the Midwest--in a mostly white Republican slice of suburban America. I saw the attitudes that your mother expressed on a daily basis. While I agree with the sentiment that Mike expressed, I think he recognises how hard it is to be strong when you're in a room full of potential enemies.
That point was driven home to me by the story you told about the murder. Granted, a bunch of elderly people are hardly likely to form an anti-gay lynch mob, but when you're surrounded by potential danger every day, sometimes it's safer to just go along with being a second-class citizen.
Which is not to say I think participating in our own oppression is a good thing to do, but I do think that we must choose the time and place of our battles. I think your podcasts are helping transform society in a number of ways: Countering a lot of the lies and myths sold by the radical right, and also by giving hope and encouragement to others who feel even less safe than you did in this situation.
Mike is absolutely right that we all must stand up and be prepared to tell the world to go fuck itself if it won't accept us as equals, that we all must stop being victims. Eleanor Roosevelt has been quoted as saying that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. We must withhold that consent.
But as I've said many times before, for GLBTQ people sometimes our families of choice (friends) are more important to us, more a REAL family to us than our families by blood. You may not resolve this issue anytime soon, but at least take heart in knowing how big your family of choice is. After all, it extends all the way to New Zealand!
Aroha nui! (That's Maori for "big love")
Hi
I just wanted to email you to say I love the podcast’s. You have a sexy voice too.
Hugs from Will
www.Willardandsimongmt.co.uk
We should behave in social situations like every other human being. If you are in love with someone its only natural to show your affection. Our behavior is "queer" to some because it isn't a behavior that most have witnessed. But we are human beings for God's sake! We smile, we cry, we love. We ought not have to lie about who we are. If some cringe because they see our humanity then it isn't our problem but theirs. I echo the others here who find your mother's comments inappropriate and your hesitation to show your human side a troubling fact of life in the gay community as a whole. The only way society will ever change its attitude toward homosexuality is to show them our humanity. Nice podcast Tom. Sorry I have not been commenting lately but as you know I've been moving into the town house this past weekend and week. Know that I am listening. How could I resist your great podcast? You are quite addictive Tom. Cheers!
Again loved the show. Loved the way you open up and are so sincere- u wear your heart on your sleeve.
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